“Winning” the War Against Yourself

The Cat did it….

Although I rarely watch the news, I do follow certain streams of information that allow me to get some interesting and odd bits of entertainment headlines. When I think of some of the news headlines that were front and center in 2011, one that most stands out to me is the insanity that Charlie Sheen brought on. For certain the trademark agents who helped him register brilliant catchphrases such as “Tiger Blood” and “Winning” can retire on the money he paid them to get the famed copyright symbol next to these words.

In the space of a few short days, Charlie Sheen managed to make more money off of simple english words. In related news, Donald Trump is working to incorporate “You’re Fired”  into Sheen’s more memorable word blasts (Editor’s Note copyright infringement not intended)……

The concept of winning is forever associated mostly with sports triumphs and political victories. We rarely hear tale or read writing of the battles waged and won against ourselves. Sure we rightfully delight in viewing or reading stories about survivors of major illness and injuries. Reality television has also given a preliminary personal glance into the self-battles involving addiction. It can be argued to infinity whether this is a fight a person brings on themselves or whether they have invited a form of illness into their personal space.

A brief evening chilly walk around the residential area where I am based reminded me of a place that once in a while seemed colder than the worst Canadian Winter.

Ten years ago, I was renting a garage that had been converted into an apartment in Southwest Calgary. It felt like an igloo with no walls in the wintertime, and a glorious walk-in cooler in the summer. I reflect rather fondly on my time spent in this neighbourhood. Once in a while I have visions back to walking through the nearby market while drinking overly expensive coffee.

I had started to work harder on making more positive changes, yet lost sight of the fact that this is would be a  never-ending quest. The concept of setting personal goals was always something I felt was easily understood and achievable.

This was ignorant thinking at its brightest.

Whenever I lashed out at life occurrences it may have been out of frustration or a complete lack of understanding. Much of the blame was directed at medication bottles containing various things which I no longer consume. Even today once in a while I will slip and catch myself using pills as an excuse for things I have said and poor decisions made past-haste.

I refused to take full responsibility for how I dealt with so many things and just kept on forging ahead. This was often with the worst attitude possible and a sharp axe to grind with society. I was standing on a battlefield, a soldier looking to fight every reason and blame others for every problem I seemed to cause. Most of which I may have brought on myself. It was a personal war and it seemed like I was losing badly. Most of this was a result of the negativity I was attracting to myself.

I had lost touch rather significantly that year. In the midst of this seemingly never-ending storm it didn’t dawn on me once that one must always work to improve themselves. Too often, too many spend time looking for the quick fix rather than giving themselves reasonable windows of opportunity to take small steps forward.

In the last ten years I can reflect fondly on the glorious steps forward I have taken. When I have needed help in my personal wars, I have asked and graciously received that help.

Once you are able to win smaller battles and build up to bigger things, you will gradually be able to take yourself on in grander wars of self-struggle and come out victorious every time.

Ten years after, I feel like now I am always “winning” the war against myself even on what may seem like the worst of days. Seems that with wisdom comes more wit, and therefore more “winning” days.

Happy New Year to everyone. Thanks to all family, friends and fans for your support.









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