Angry Gratitude

Look silly now, and smile!

It’s not our best picture. It’s a good one though. Christmas, sometime in the mid-90’s at the old house. Our best picture together is around somewhere. I was angry that I could not find it. Then I was grateful knowing it exists in one of the digital subfolders I have. Even if I could find it now, I would probably not be posting it. I would get angry again because it is a reminder that he is gone. Multiple occasions since his passing I have had to stop myself from sending an article or video clip to his phone.

“David would like this”

Then reality returns…….

Dave’s not there man.

His memorial really only taps the surface of what he was like as a person. He was so much more. So much good that represented the best of humanity. After Dad passed in 2012, we worked hard to mend the broken pieces of our fence. As we often did when we fought as kids, we sorted it all out. Over the last year we were snickering over our best fights. Brothers often get into physical fisticuffs. We had some real battles. Some of them included wearing boxing gloves. Then, there was one time when a single move had me nearly knocked out face flat on a floor. I went to open the door to the cramped laundry room at the house. David was in there attempting to sort through clothes. For reasons we could not remember, we were at each other the whole day.

He slammed the door right on to my face, sending me flying back into a nearby pool table. After smashing my upper body on the table, I fell over to the floor needing several minutes to regain my composure. He came out of the room and properly stepped over me while I grimaced in pain.

We don’t know what happened after that. We were grateful it happened. We were grateful for all of the fights. I am angry that he is gone. I am mindfully grateful for all of our moments together as brothers. Together as family with Mom, Step-Dad, Step-Siblings and Old-Man Baby Dog. Together as three silly men in a big house with Dad and Old Blue Dog.

The night of his high school graduation, June 1995. Nan in the middle, and the long-haired version of myself on the left.

In loving memory of J. David Alexander.

Rest Easy Boss. You are loved and appreciated.



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